Meet Jake Richard – Our Newest Blue Ion Team Member
We’re excited to welcome the newest member of the Blue Ion team: Jake Richard.
Jake comes to us via Hayneedle.com – one of the 20 biggest ecommerce companies in the US. At Hayneedle, Jake exercised some serious analyst skills to improve profitability with their strategic channel partners. From business intelligence to pricing models to Google Adwords – Jake had the analytical chops we were looking for.
But what really impressed us about Jake was his hustle. He managed to launch a subscription golf tee company and develop a swimsuit brand in his spare time. Oh, and he has a killer bike that should get a lot more use here in the warm climes of Charleston. Keep an eye out for the matte black Harley Iron 883 cruising around town.
Fortunately, it wasn’t difficult to lure him away from Nebraska with the promise of warm weather and unlimited games of ping pong. We’re looking forward to unleashing Jake on some projects, and you’re sure to see him at upcoming Blue Ion events. His official title is performance marketing strategist, and you can follow along with some sporadic tweeting and his official site.
We had him complete our (in)famous employee spotlight so you can get a better sense of what makes him tick. Welcome, Jake!
What are your Nicknames?
Nothing has ever stuck, but, I get JR a lot. Unless we’re talking mom nicknames. Then there’s quite the list. Notably Buzz, which was descriptive of my haircut during every summer growing up, and perhaps my tendency to watch Toy Story more than the average kid.
What would be the title of your autobiography?
Moving To A Place I’ve Never Been
If you could have any super power, what would it be and why?
Teleportation. The obvious travel beneﬁts would be incredible. And free.
Would you rather be a tiny elephant or a giant hamster?
Tiny elephant. Under no condition could anyone ever get upset with you for anything. Your
cuteness would trump all.
When you were 6 years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Paleontologist. Or as I knew it then, a dinosaur digger-upper. Apparently Jurassic Park was pretty inﬂuential to me.
If you were a cupcake, what ﬂavor would you be?
Butterﬁnger. (Is that a thing? It just sounds good right now)
Which cartoon character would you most like to switch lives with?
Bugs Bunny. Dude never gets stressed out.
What celebrity do people think you look like?
There was one week a couple years ago that I looked like Penn Badgley. I only know this
because three strangers over the span of ﬁve days felt obligated to tell me I looked like “that guy from Gossip Girl,” which of course I then Googled. Haven’t heard it since.
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten?
Rocky Mountain oysters. A smart choice to try them before asking what you’re eating.
What one food do you wish had zero calories?
Pizza. That’d be my lunch every day. And dinner. And maybe breakfast.
What would you like to be famous for?
Being a great author.
What was your favorite toy as a child?
Walkie-talkies. We felt so cool.
What’s your Smurf name?
Dreamy Smurf, according to this spammy, curiously-named site bluebuddies.com.
If you could witness any historical event, what would you want to see?
The Roswell, NM UFO crash in 1947. I WANT TO KNOW.
If you could only drink one beer for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Leinenkugel Summer Shandy. Not my absolute favorite beer, but it never gets old.
If you were a Crayola crayon, what color would you be?
White. I’d live forever.
If you were on death row, what would your last meal be?
Happy Joe’s Pizza from Dubuque, IA, and an entire pan of my mom’s chocolate chip cookie
What is your theme song?
Otherside by the Red Hot Chili Peppers
What tv show/movie are you ashamed to admit you love?
Step Brothers. I’m not ashamed that I love it, I’m ashamed that I know every line.
If your house was burning down, what’s the one thing you would save?
If you were to write a self help book, what would the topic be?
How to stop needing self help books.