I believe the children are our future…

At the expense of sounding like a grumpy, old man (I assure you I have only one of those qualities), I need to complain/comment on yet another issue with our airlines.

Granted, I found a decent price to NYC last week on short notice, the roundtrip went smoothly and on-time, and the planes were clean and comfortable. However..

It seems on this trip, screaming babies were strategically placed in a triangular/flanking position around my row on the plane. Although it was my mistake for leaving my headphones in checked baggage, I was unable to escape the incessant cries of these babies. These tireless screams only provided me with the opportunity to scientifically examine the situation, establish a record of data, and suffer a future solution to the problem.

The Triangular Attack of Babies
The Triangular Attack of Babies

Some of the following ideas are worth the airlines to consider:
1) A No-Baby Airline or Flights. Obviously airlines will get outraged mothers stampeding airports for baby rights because of this, but there’s opportunity for premiums paid by business travelers and 90% of the rest of the population. Think of it as a Gentleman’s Club or PG-13 Movie for Airlines.

2) Group babies together in a section on the plane. Certainly not near the front. We don’t want to bother the 1st Class customers, and certainly not the pilots that might potentially go insane, while our lives are in their capable hands.

3) Baby Nursery. Similar to the “ball room” in Itchy & Scratchy land, part of the luggage compartment can be converted to a nursery below deck. Babies can play together (most likely keeping them happy) and mothers can exude their joy and pride in their baby to other parents.

Granted, babies are people too, and they deserve the very best. They can’t “help” it. But I suppose the triangulation of heart wrenching/head throbbing cries throughout a 2 hour trip, can only lead one to think WAY outside the box. Take it with a grain of salt, and think about it next trip you take.

Maybe these babies will one day grow up to remap the policies of our airlines. In the words of Dionne Warwick – “I believe the children are our future. Teach them well, and let them lead the way.”